


Hope

by ThicctorHugo



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, Kind of Hurt/Comfort, M/M, collins and farrier reunite, this is like really short, vignette style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-21 16:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThicctorHugo/pseuds/ThicctorHugo
Summary: Collins reflects on the events of Dunkirk





	1. Chapter 1

Collins will remember that day for the rest of his life. He’ll remember the desperation, the fear, the excitement and the utter relief. It all felt so visceral, as if all he could do was react. The sound of the planes above him, firing their guns, the men screaming and the roar of the fire blazing on the oceans surface. It was like something out of a nightmare, it was a nightmare. He doesn’t let himself think about all the men within that fire, all the poor bastards that they left to burn or drown, he can’t let himself remember the screams of the burning soldiers and the unease on the ship. He remembers the sinking of his gut when he realised the plane would hit the oil, the sudden plunge of fear he felt with the knowledge of what was about to happen. When the flame arose, it was a beautifully uncanny scene, the juxtaposing view of men half burning, half drowned made Collins more unsettled than he had ever been before. He’s seen the ruins of war many times, flying over the remains of France and Belgium, but that had been from the air. The buildings were tiny and the people almost like dots on a painting of the formerly free country. Here he was able to see the true horror of the war, the pain and turmoil, the endless fight for survival and the complete darkness that humanity is capable of. It shook him to his very core.   
He remembers getting back to England, the relief at finally being back on British soil, free from the fear of German planes and guns at every corner. He had only been away for a day, yet it had felt like a lifetime, it almost had been. His damp hair reminding him of his own mortality and the terror of what he had experienced that day. He remembered how quiet it was and how every man was simply glad to be home. He remembered one harsh voice spit insult at him in disgust. The anger he radiated was completely overpowered by his sympathy. He didn’t say anything, what could he say? These men were sitting ducks on the beach, they could not have known the fight that was happening over the channel. They couldn’t have known how many pilots had given their lives to stop Jerry’s from reaching the beach. So he said nothing. The soft voice from his left comforted him in a way he didn’t know he could be. The reassurance and validation grounded him, it reminded him why he’d almost given his life for this war: for freedom. For free men to live as they wish and not be subjected to the horrors of what he saw that day, those simple words of recognition had given Collins a whole new outlook on the events of that day. He knew the war wasn’t over yet, he knew that the Allies had suffered a huge loss in this disaster, but he could not help but read that speech in the papers and remember why he was here, fighting in the air, never surrendering. It reminded him that all he had to do was survive and that the simple acts of a humble boatman or the bravery of a doomed pilot could not only save the lives of hundreds of men’s lives but also save their hope. And hope was one hell of a thing to fight for.


	2. Chapter 2

Collins remembers the piercing ring of telephone that shook him from his empty staring competition with that tea stain on the wall. He remembers the stern voice on the phone asking him his name and his own weak reply confirming his identity. He can distinctly recall the strange feeling in his stomach as he heard the voice tell him that an RAF pilot was found at a concentration camp and is now in a hospital in the inner city half dead but constantly repeating his name. He remembers telling the man he’ll be there as soon as he can to identify this crazed pilot. The feeling of anxiety was deep seated and even his own excitement couldn’t remove the thought of what happens if it’s not him. If he opened that hospital door and it was some poor confused bastard that he’d trained with calling his name. But it couldn’t be, it had to be him, it had to be.   
He remembers the feeling in his stomach as he rode the bus to the hospital, it felt as though someone had let a thousand butterflies in then poured in a load of concrete. He felt nauseous, unable to comprehend what could happen today. He remembers thinking about how it all could change today, he could finally climb out of the hole he’d been living in since the war ended and re-join the ranks of the living. He thought about it as he entered the hospital, of how not only could this be the start for him, but also for the man he’d been waiting 4 years for. If Collins found him, they could finally be free from the pains of war and just live.   
He remembers telling the woman at reception his name, seeing her unexpectedly chuckle and tease him, telling him they’d all been waiting for his arrival, that he’d become some kind of celebrity around here. He remembers how his legs like that jelly pudding his mum used to make for Christmas and how he felt like he was both on the verge of tears and laughter at the same time. As she opened the door, he remembers his sharp intake of breath and the feeling of complete anticipation mixed with fear and guilt. As soon as he laid eyes on Farrier, he couldn’t help the sob that escaped him. The man looked simultaneously awful, yet the most beautiful sight Collins had ever seen. Farrier was thin, dreadfully so, his cheeks sunken and his formerly big arms now skinnier than Collins own. He was bruised and his head shaven. Yet the grin that took over his face was everything Collins had missed about him. That playful and resilient optimism was something that Collins had always admired. Farrier had a strength within himself, it kept both men going at the height of their war time pessimism, when men around them would day every day and young pilots would go out for their first mission and fall to their watery graves within half an hour.   
Farrier was the only reason Collins got through the war, the thought of what Farrier had sacrificed was enough to keep him fighting for another day. And to see him then, Collins remembered how he’d never felt happier in his entire life, he’d been convinced Farrier was dead but to see him standing alive and moderately well before his very eyes, Collins was just in awe. He stepped forward slowly, hesitantly but Farrier simply strode forward and engulfed Collins in an embrace. He remembers how safe he felt, with Farrier’s arms around him, he felt at home in those arms, he felt loved and needed and like everything he’d fought for, everything he’d seen was for a purpose, so that he could see the man he loved, alive and happy. And that despite all that they’ve gone through, they could finally just live, with the truth that they’ve created a better world, a world full of hope.


End file.
